A Public Service Announcement: Crack is Whack

How sad that some people think crack is okay. I was under the false impression that everyone knew crack wrecks havoc on all those around you. It forces innocent people to partake in your bad decision. Even more than the drug popularized in the 80's as a cheap alternative to cocaine, I'm talking about buttcrack. Plumberbutt. Ass cleveage.

It is in poor taste, even if you think it makes your butt look smaller. Low slung pants do not accomplish this! This version of the trend seems particularly popular among women suffering from a case of Muffin Top. As well as delusional body image, apparently. Crack-revealing pants only make you look like you don't know your own pants size. Worse yet is the thong-hanging-out look made "cool" by Britney Spears in her heyday. Ladies! Less is more! Anyone can look beautiful and stylish with the right fit. Pants that highlight an area of the body that's not flattering on anybody defeats the purpose of attempting to be stylistically forward.

Nearly unmentionable is the unfortunate trend I have been terrorized by lately: The Hipster Male in Skinny Jeans. Oh God it makes me want to puke when I see that pale slice of flat butt sticking out of the top of a pair of jeans. Blech! Too many times my poor eyes have been burned by a sighting. And it is on purpose. Don't tell me you can't feel the breeze, Mr. Fedora!


If your front looks like this guy,

make sure no crack is in sight

before you leave the house!

A new movement needs to start. The War on Crack. If you see someone wearing ill fitting pants, male or female, hipster or ho-bag, please let them know nobody is interested in seeing it. It's not sexy or becoming. In fact, to make it easy, tell them it's just plain gross. Helpfully hint towards the next size up, or a belt. If they refuse help for their problem, let them know their outfit doesn't look complete without their ironic trucker hat and can of Redbull and that also, you will be making fun of them behind their back later.

Your Golden Girl,

Olive

Images appear courtesey of: Picaswebalbums.com, Shaunoakes.com